||[Sep. 22nd, 2004|12:45 am]
So I figured I'd keep you posted on things....|
Sunday would be Brenden and my's one year anniversary...
If we weren't taking a "break"....What the hell is a break? I mean, really. What the hell....
He told me it wasn't my fault at all.... Or that he didn't want me to be sad- but he just needed some time to see if he's missing anything- or not.
And so... I'm talking to a boy. (have been talking to a boy for a while, because the boy is my friend.) A boy who is in band. And is very nice. And this "talking" shall remain innocent. Because 1- I still have boy-at-home... 2- I'm still in love with boy-at-home. 3- I'm not really boy-at-college's type.
So. that's how life is right now. Kind of shitty. Kind of okay. I'm just trying to live my life like I know Brenden is.
Oh. yes. the 'talking' shall remain innocent unless! Brenden is dating some high school slut. But I won't know if he is or not, because he hasn't called in two days.
I feel like such a traitor when I talk to other boys....Because I feel like I shouldn't be... But, you know what? Brenden probably is talking to other girls, so what's wrong with me being a friend to a boy? I mean, really.
I'm a whore for talking to a boy so soon? I mean, it was Sunday when Brenden called it off. And really, I am only talking to him. It's not like we kiss and stuff. Because, actually, I've only talked to him face to face a couple of times. It's mostly online.
I don't know. I don't even know what a break is... I don't know what it entails. I don't know what the boundaries are. I don't know.